Phone: Ring, ring.
Me: <my name> speaking.
Russian-accented voice: Hello, this is [very common Russian name; as I know someone with the same name and the same accent, he has me confused for a bit]. I have a question.
Me: Well, ask!
RAV: Is the church open?
Me: Do you mean today?
RAV: Yes, is it open today?
Me: We don’t have any services today, only Saturday evening and Sunday morning.
RAV: Yes, but is the church open?
Me: To pray or light a candle or something, you mean? No, it’s not usually open on weekdays.
RAV: But it’s open tomorrow, right?
Me: It’s not open on weekdays. Tomorrow is Tuesday. It’s not open on Tuesdays.
RAV: Is the church open tomorrow? It’s the New Year.
Me: (confused) Er…
RAV: Tomorrow is the New Year, is the church open then?
Me: [calculates: ah!] It’s not the New Year here. We had the New Year on January 1, and even then we didn’t have the church open.
RAV: But it’s an Orthodox church!
Me: Yes, of the patriarchate of Constantinople. We have the Greek calendar, not the Russian calendar.
RAV: It’s a Russian Orthodox church!
Me: Yes, but we’re not of the patriarchate of Moscow. We don’t have the Russian calendar.
RAV: You ought to be open! I came at Christmas and you weren’t open!
Me: We had all the services at Christmas. Only, we happen to celebrate Christmas at Christmas. [oops!] We celebrate Christmas on December 25th.
RAV: It’s a Russian Orthodox church!
Me: Yes, but we have the new calendar. We’ve celebrated both Christmas and the Theophany already. We’re Dutch, not Russians.
RAV: So when can you open the church for us?
Me: Well, we have services on Saturday at 7:30 and Sunday at 10:30.
RAV: You can open the church if we come tomorrow, can’t you?
Me: Er, no, sorry.
RAV: But you’re of the church, aren’t you?
Me: Sorry, I’m not the caretaker, I just answer the phone as backup when the priest isn’t there. I can’t very well come and open up the church for anyone who wants in to light a candle. [not telling him that it’s only down the stairs and out of my front door…]
RAV: [indignant noises]
RAV: [silence]
RAV: So when are your services?
So I told him again… I’m afraid he still doesn’t believe that any Orthodox church, let alone a Russian Orthodox church, can be not of the Patriarchate of Moscow.
I don’t doubt that he could have known, because he must have been the man I saw reading the bulletin when I was taking down the Christmas tree. Perhaps he thought we were so Russian that we only listed the old-calendar dates, not the new-calendar equivalent. But even then he could have seen that we didn’t have any services (and no priest, at that) over the New Year.